Wednesday, July 17, 2013

A few months ago, someone very important to me sent me the following text messages out of the blue at 45 minutes till midnight: Ali girl don't get too down. The world is yours. Trust me when I say it will open before you like a flower. You have everything you need to survive. Do not dismay. I believe that the world is more yours than you can know. But in time you will see, you will know; and at that time, remember us ghosts. It's all we ask. A few months later, she dedicated a poem to me at a reading somewhere in the greater Los Angeles area.

What I'm trying to say is, I've learned this now. What she said. I believe it now. I didn't believe it then. What I'm saying is, I've spent the summer in the houses of people who took me in, who talked to me about art and travel and how wonderful and beautiful and fucked and failing things can be, who talked me through hours of post-break up sadness until 2am, who sat on floors with me, drank beers with me, went on adventures with me, cooked for me, tucked me in at night, listened to me grieve, grieved with me, grieved for me when I lost the energy.

Everyone who took me in this summer—NBD, TM, LFC, TM, NP, LI, JDR, JP, L&DY, JF, PA, EJ—my gratitude toward you is endless and I only hope you'll someday let me repay the favor.

Everyone I met or spent time with somewhere in these past epic 9 weeks of summer, I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have met you. You don't have to believe me. I will do everything I can to prove to you how much you mean to me. I feel like every day, what LYB said to me becomes even more true. The world is opening before me like a flower. It's filled with sadness and injustice, but it's also filled with love and compassion and people who will put themselves out there just to maintain whatever it is we've built together. I have everything I need to survive. I have you guys. You are the loves of my life.

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