Sunday, April 7, 2013

Every time I read Jake's work, my heart breaks again. The following is a screen shot of a new poem excerpted by Jon Tribble in Tribble's LA Review of Books piece about Jake that came out this morning. Click the screenshot to read the whole article.

The elegy my friend wrote for Jake hangs on the wall next to my desk. I read it when I'm trying to forget how awful this all is. I know that sounds contradictory, but it's like, when I read it, I remember all the people who love him, and it makes it less awful. For a long time it made it more awful, that this many people had to lose this person. But now it just feels like something warm, like a soft glow. 

In case you're wondering how this grieving process is going: it's not. Or, I guess it not going is a way of it going. I still get incredibly angry some days. I find myself fuming about things I would usually not even notice, and I take a step back, and this loss steps in front of me again, reminding me why I am angry. Also, there's a lot of sad. And a lot of sleeping 12+ hours a day. And a lot of waiting for the time when Jake comes back again. Because my heart is convinced he will, even though my brain knowns he won't. Every time I read his words now, it just feels like another goodbye.

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