The elegy my friend wrote for Jake hangs on the wall next to my desk. I read it when I'm trying to forget how awful this all is. I know that sounds contradictory, but it's like, when I read it, I remember all the people who love him, and it makes it less awful. For a long time it made it more awful, that this many people had to lose this person. But now it just feels like something warm, like a soft glow.
In case you're wondering how this grieving process is going: it's not. Or, I guess it not going is a way of it going. I still get incredibly angry some days. I find myself fuming about things I would usually not even notice, and I take a step back, and this loss steps in front of me again, reminding me why I am angry. Also, there's a lot of sad. And a lot of sleeping 12+ hours a day. And a lot of waiting for the time when Jake comes back again. Because my heart is convinced he will, even though my brain knowns he won't. Every time I read his words now, it just feels like another goodbye.